Today is the one year anniversary of my dad’s passing. He died from pancreatic cancer after fighting the disease for almost 2 years. Dad remained mentally strong, level headed and fairly optimistic throughout the entire ordeal.
On Tuesday, August 24, 2010, I sat next to Dad in his bed and spoke to him non-stop. I told him I would take care of everything and that everyone would be ok.He died at 7:10pm.
Little did I know what would come to light over the next year and little did I know how emotionally overwrought I would become trying to deal with it all.
I’ve become the parent to my mom and the advocate to an adopted, mentally ill, drug dependent, verbally abusive, older brother that I haven’t seen or spoken to in almost 17 years.
I’ve been sad, angry, frustrated, confused, and despondent these last 365 days. I’ve acted very adult-like by encouraging and helping to implement changes in both my mother and brother’s lives (for the best I hope) and I’ve relived some upsetting childhood memories.
Although I’ve yelled, cried, and complained to anyone who will listen, I am trying really hard to keep the promises I made to my dad. Talk to me next year and we will see how I did.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A REAL JOB
I applied for a real job today. I applied for a real job yesterday too. I have no idea if I’ll get a call back or any response to my email, but I sent off my resume and pertinent information and am crossing my fingers.
I don’t even know if I want or have time for a real job right now but for some reason, this feels significant.
I stopped having a real job 11 years ago. I hated where I was working—so much yelling and stress and problems. I had a job I fought hard to get, but once I got it, I didn’t like it at all. Over fifteen years in the corporate world and after almost two years of waiting for my husband to agree it was ok for me to quit, I did.
In these past years I launched my own business (with one product and the intent of producing many more), consulted on numerous marketing projects, went back to school and then stopped, started another whole new career (unpaid journalism) and actively volunteered at schools, a local counseling center and an animal rescue facility. I’ve taken care of my daughter, husband, parents, house, and dog and have baked a million lemon squares. I’ve kept everyone afloat and functioning.
In my mind right now, a real job will reward me both financially and emotionally. It will take me out of my little inclusive world and give me a new purpose. It will keep me busy when I’m old and keep me occupied when I am alone.
For some reason the job “ball” fell back into my court recently and I guess I’m just trying to explore what I want to do when I finally grow up. Maybe one of the real jobs I just applied for will help me figure it out.
I don’t even know if I want or have time for a real job right now but for some reason, this feels significant.
I stopped having a real job 11 years ago. I hated where I was working—so much yelling and stress and problems. I had a job I fought hard to get, but once I got it, I didn’t like it at all. Over fifteen years in the corporate world and after almost two years of waiting for my husband to agree it was ok for me to quit, I did.
In these past years I launched my own business (with one product and the intent of producing many more), consulted on numerous marketing projects, went back to school and then stopped, started another whole new career (unpaid journalism) and actively volunteered at schools, a local counseling center and an animal rescue facility. I’ve taken care of my daughter, husband, parents, house, and dog and have baked a million lemon squares. I’ve kept everyone afloat and functioning.
In my mind right now, a real job will reward me both financially and emotionally. It will take me out of my little inclusive world and give me a new purpose. It will keep me busy when I’m old and keep me occupied when I am alone.
For some reason the job “ball” fell back into my court recently and I guess I’m just trying to explore what I want to do when I finally grow up. Maybe one of the real jobs I just applied for will help me figure it out.
Monday, August 15, 2011
"The Fever"
“Just promise me you won’t catch the fever!”
My husband said this to me last year when I was bubbling over with information after the first pre-college meeting at my daughter’s high school. I knew exactly what he meant by “the fever.” In our house, this mysterious ailment involves the frenzied, panicked, overzealous, uber-competitive behavior of high school students (and their parents) vying for those precious, hard-to-get, super-selective, one-in-a-million spots in today’s colleges and universities. (It’s important to note that last year our daughter was only in 10th grade. She still had almost 3 more years of high school left before leaving our nest.)
As our daughter’s junior year of high school quickly approaches, I’m trying really hard not to catch any fever, but it’s tough! If one wants to be a competitive high school student today, our kid will need to successfully get through the toughest classes in her school, spend a million hours doing homework and projects, explore extra-special extracurricular activities, and try to do something amazing to change the world.
Even if our daughter does all of this, there are thousands of kids out there doing the same thing or more, like this incoming freshman I read about on a top tier college’s website: _____ loves to write. She played varsity volleyball and performed with several musical groups in and out of school, but writing is her first and foremost passion. In November of her junior and senior years, she threw herself into National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), and the summer before her senior year she took part in the Iowa Young Writers Studio. She also was one of 12 students in Massachusetts to receive the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE) Achievement Award in 2009. An avid hiker, she belongs to the Four Thousand Footer Club and has climbed all 48 of the mountains higher than 4,000 feet in New Hampshire.
All I can say is Wow!! Really??
So I’ll work on not believing everything I hear and spiral into the competitive abyss of pre-college requirements. I’ll plan on keeping a level head and an open mind and encourage and support my daughter in every way I can--even if that means buying all of the requisite reference books (like The Fiske Guide 2011), reading all the College Confidentail blogs, attending all the standing-room-only college fairs, and touring all the far away university campuses.
My husband said this to me last year when I was bubbling over with information after the first pre-college meeting at my daughter’s high school. I knew exactly what he meant by “the fever.” In our house, this mysterious ailment involves the frenzied, panicked, overzealous, uber-competitive behavior of high school students (and their parents) vying for those precious, hard-to-get, super-selective, one-in-a-million spots in today’s colleges and universities. (It’s important to note that last year our daughter was only in 10th grade. She still had almost 3 more years of high school left before leaving our nest.)
As our daughter’s junior year of high school quickly approaches, I’m trying really hard not to catch any fever, but it’s tough! If one wants to be a competitive high school student today, our kid will need to successfully get through the toughest classes in her school, spend a million hours doing homework and projects, explore extra-special extracurricular activities, and try to do something amazing to change the world.
Even if our daughter does all of this, there are thousands of kids out there doing the same thing or more, like this incoming freshman I read about on a top tier college’s website: _____ loves to write. She played varsity volleyball and performed with several musical groups in and out of school, but writing is her first and foremost passion. In November of her junior and senior years, she threw herself into National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), and the summer before her senior year she took part in the Iowa Young Writers Studio. She also was one of 12 students in Massachusetts to receive the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE) Achievement Award in 2009. An avid hiker, she belongs to the Four Thousand Footer Club and has climbed all 48 of the mountains higher than 4,000 feet in New Hampshire.
All I can say is Wow!! Really??
So I’ll work on not believing everything I hear and spiral into the competitive abyss of pre-college requirements. I’ll plan on keeping a level head and an open mind and encourage and support my daughter in every way I can--even if that means buying all of the requisite reference books (like The Fiske Guide 2011), reading all the College Confidentail blogs, attending all the standing-room-only college fairs, and touring all the far away university campuses.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)