365 days

Today is the one year anniversary of my dad’s passing. He died from pancreatic cancer after fighting the disease for almost 2 years. Dad remained mentally strong, level headed and fairly optimistic throughout the entire ordeal.

On Tuesday, August 24, 2010, I sat next to Dad in his bed and spoke to him non-stop. I told him I would take care of everything and that everyone would be ok.He died at 7:10pm.

Little did I know what would come to light over the next year and little did I know how emotionally overwrought I would become trying to deal with it all.

I’ve become the parent to my mom and the advocate to an adopted, mentally ill, drug dependent, verbally abusive, older brother that I haven’t seen or spoken to in almost 17 years.

I’ve been sad, angry, frustrated, confused, and despondent these last 365 days. I’ve acted very adult-like by encouraging and helping to implement changes in both my mother and brother’s lives (for the best I hope) and I’ve relived some upsetting childhood memories.

Although I’ve yelled, cried, and complained to anyone who will listen, I am trying really hard to keep the promises I made to my dad. Talk to me next year and we will see how I did.